To The Girl I Was Ten Years Ago

To the girl I was ten years ago. 

I know you’ve had a rough year or two, you’ve moved again and you’re stuck in a place where you are anything but happy. I know you stare out of the window some nights, wishing you were on one of the planes you see. I know you are sad and I know it’s hard. But you’ll get through it. 

I know you are desperate to grow up. I know you want to move away and never look back. You've tried to run away but you can’t. But even though you are having a bad time right now, it’s not going to get better for a long time. It's going to get worse first. So, be a child while you can. 

If I could, I would warn you about so many things. Don't change yourself to be friends with people who make you feel bad. Don't go to the beach that Sunday. Tell Dad how you feel. Get the surgery. Plan what you want to do with your life at least a little bit more. Be honest with yourself and your therapists. Take care of yourself first. You matter, never forget that. 

Life is going to be bad; it’s going to be beyond rough for you baby girl. It's only gotten manageable in the past two months. And that’s because I've learnt something, and I want to tell you what I have learnt. 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You have to rely on yourself. You are in charge of your happiness, no one else is. You deserve to be happy and you have to make yourself happy. Go to the concert, talk to that person, write that email. Just do it, you deserve to at least try. 

I want to make a promise to you baby girl. I want to promise that I will do my best to make our future one worth going through hell for. I want to promise that I will take care of us. I promise that I will be the parent we need. I will seek out our very own unique happy ending. I will not take the good days for granted and I will be strong through all the bad days and bad moments. I will rest when I need to and I will put self-care first.   
We have been through a lot this decade. This next one isn’t going to be any easier, but this one will be ours and this one will be as much in our control as possible. We deserve to have a good life and I will do my best to make us have one. 

I love you baby girl, we got this. 

Sincerely, me. 

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