Depressed Writing

Depressed writing is complicated. I love writing; as I write this, I am taking a break from writing my latest book and trying to get through a slump. 

I have had the idea for this book for a while. It has grown to be my favourite idea ever. Hence why it is taking so damn long to write. It is my baby and I want to get it right. But, as everything with my life, it’s not easy, especially now. 

I am in remission from my mental health problems, but recently things have been a bit shaky; and it’s taking away my happiness, my writing. 

I have to write things in order or it doesn’t work in my head. There is nothing wrong with that but it makes things more complicated.  

I am currently writing the cute stuff, the romance, the sweetness, the lovey-dovey stuff that makes us all blush, smile and swoon. It’s the best part. But I don’t feel that. I feel sad, scared, gross some days. How can I write that stuff when I feel disgusting? 

I tried to write the dramatic part, the sad and angry part. The part where the main character should feel like I do. But it didn’t make me feel any better. And while I deleted that part and decided on a different approach, now I am back to the cute stuff it feels wrong. 

Maybe it’s because I still feel gross, maybe I am burnt out. Maybe I just need a break. But I want to write, I want to express, I want to make a world that I control. Its damn complicated and it freaking sucks. 
I think I am going to sleep, have a mini spa day tomorrow, watch a couple rom-coms and try again before taking a break. Because writing is my heart. And I want it to keep pumping. 

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