If I get high
I remember being in the hospital one night about two or three years ago. I had a rule that I had to wait six hours to make sure the pain wasn't stopping with normal medication before going to hospital. I was sixteen hours into this attack. I was delirious, either crying or asking to die, I wanted it all to stop. When you are in that much pain, for that long, with a doctor who says it's your fault, and you have a history of mental health problems, it is so easy to regress. Once the medication took effect I would be fine, rational and basically as recovered mentally as I was before. But when you are screaming in pain so much blood coats your throat and you throw up, for sixteen hours, you are back in that deep dark part of your mind. The doctor finally gave me the strongest medication he could and it finally worked. I cried for an hour as I was finally better. It worked so well, almost as fast as a light switch my body stopped shaking. I couldn't stop thanking people or a...