I'm not sick enough.
I’m not sick enough. It's a weird sentence, right? No one wants to be sick; no one wants to be in pain. Why would I say it? Do I want to be sicker? To understand why I say this sentence, you h ave to understand something about me. I have chronic pain. I am in pain to some degree every day. I take medication every day to try and control the pain attacks that bind me to my bed for days after. I had surgery in April to try and help. The thing is, I try so hard not to seem sick. Maybe it’s my need to feel accepted, maybe it’s my own denial of my pain; but I try and I tire myself out every day to try and seem normal, healthy, pain free. I don’t know, but I wish I didn’t. I wish I could be honest. I wish I could say I am having an attack; I wish I could say I can’t carry things some days, I wish I could be honest. I always have tried to be funny, kind, I always wanted people to be happy around me, relaxed. I just wanted ...